I've had a pretty busy year, got Married, attended 3 other weddings including my brother's one, stag do's, planning, funerals, holidays, diabetic dog, built a new business, meetings, site visits, staffing issues, Airbnb management, Tasks, Tasks, tasks - busy, busy, busy you get the picture. A few months ago I started to feel overwhelmed, in other words not like myself anymore. I stopped looking at my personal & business emails, I stopped picking up my phone for work, neglected my appearance, didn't get out of bed early like I normally have and If I received some motoring fines or bills I would just stick them in the drawer in hopes to deal with later.

Even the tasks that I enjoy such as tidying up the house or making coffee at home have become irritating and unpleasant to me. I felt like my arms and legs were aching even though I did not walk anywhere or lift anything heavy.

After speaking to a couple of my friends and my wife about my current being, they all rushed to the same conclusion. -Rom, you might be depressed, maybe seek help and things will get better for you.

I never agreed with their diagnosis, as I have been analysing myself for years now on my "self-help" and spiritual journey that said,  depression was not the label that fit my current being. 

So I went on a mission to find a reason why I feel like this and why most people I know are in a similar situation to me. If this sounds familiar read on, and you might learn something. Or you might just learn that I suck at writing. Either way, I don't really care, I have some knowledge on a number of topics like this one, but unfortunately lack the skills to communicate them to the world, so this is my first attempt. Anyway… 

Errand paralysis 

After consuming a ton of podcasts, reading articles and watching a bunch of youtube videos on this subject, I believe that I found something.  - A problem. Maybe even the root of it.  Purpose? Get this off my chest and maybe help 1 or 2 people while I am at it, Hi Mum, I know you are 1 out of the 2 that is reading this :D Also, they say; the first step to fixing your problem is admitting that you have one.

So as mentioned before I know a number of people within my circle - who feel tired, and lack motivation or ambition. Others may even label these individuals as lazy or unmotivated. I feel like this too sometimes.  Especially when my Wife asks me to do things around the house or just do errands in general. I just freeze and look at her as if I have never heard her speak before.  I then feel like she thinks that I am just a bum who sits at home being lazy stirring in my own juice of sadness,  as she has put it a few times - at least she's funny. 

Errand Paralysis is a mental block, a brick wall that purposely neglects or ignores the tasks in front of you, depending on the severity of your paralysis.

You may have a mild one, where you just can't be fucked to return those parcels to the post office for a week now or change the address on your driving licence when you moved months ago. 

But, If you are a little more severe, like me  - You just stop doing most of the chores that you have, until you get shouted at by your partner or a debt collector knocks on your door to collect a payment for a fine that you have been putting off for 3 months now. Anyway if this is you. There is hope. For both of us. Keep reading. 

One of the authors of an article that I read about this said - It feels like I'm in a cartoon movie where the words on the page and in my head swirl until I feel sick.  another one called Helen Anne, author of - How Millennials Become the Burnout Generations puts it best - I'd put something on my to-do list and it'd roll over, one week to the next, haunting me for months."

Burnout

Blame Covid, Blame Your Job, Blame your partner, Blame a toxic family member - Errand Fatigue is a symptom of a little something called Burnout. While this word has not been tossed around and is often confused with depression. It is a real problem for so many of us. I am tired of people saying that they are depressed when they just simply lack expressions or words to describe how they actually feel. Depression is a super serious thing, but fortunately, you may not have it. Will Talk about it another time. 

Symptoms of Burnout; 

-You Dismiss People Around you who are of annoyance to you

-Absence of Control (of your own Life & others close to you) 

-Depletion of Energy (Feeling Depleted) 

-Exhaustion, achy limbs and body pains

-Feeling like you are running on an Empty tank

-Feeling Like you are Numb, (aka Dead Inside)

-Lack of Purpose

-Lack of Love & Affection for others 

-Decision Making (as simple as choosing what to eat)

People who are burnt out the most, are freelancers, entrepreneurs and most commonly those who do repetitive tasks for work, usually on the computer. 

So if you feel like your life sucks and you lack purpose that's because your battery. (Yes I compared our brain to a phone battery) is running low and needs to be recharged every week, more on this at the end.

To emphasise how important this is; a study carried out in the UK shows that, 74% of people who have suffered stress really badly to the point of not being to cope, were diagnosed with burnout. This got so common that World Health Organisation announced burnout as an officially recognised disease this year (2022).

Why 

One assumption is that because our mobile phones do everything for us, we no longer need to learn adult skills, we don't really need to go shopping, we order clothes from our phones, we don't cook and we don't ponder anymore, as we have google for that. All of these are of course great but enabled us to view chores differently. You know, why would you spend 1 hour of your evening cooking when this can be achieved by clicking a few buttons on your phone and bam dinner is served.  Anyway, I don't know where I was going with this, but the point is that we have low-key, become a bit lazy, we like things handed to us and we like it fast.

Errand paralysis, Decision fatigue and Burnout are the fruit of the everyday issues that we go through. Covid gave us a taste of freedom, it showed us that we can do our jobs for the same amount of money with fewer expenses from the comfort of our sofas & bedrooms, and when things stabled it was almost as if everyone woke up and realised that spending 2 hours to go to and from work it's just not ok. Things like this enabled too many people to burnout.  We got to see life differently. A life that can be enjoyed, without feeling like we are imprisoned by our work, a life that can be lived without being location bound. You will find that this is exactly why during 2020-2022 So many people started their own businesses and side hustles, including me! with Shadedclothing.com

Covid was terrible, loved ones died, businesses collapsed people have become lonely, but I'd like to look at the positives now. - Simply put we got to experience the Good Life, the life that felt worth living, with Lots of free time for ourselves, motivation to exercise, take up hobbies, hike, not needing to travel to work for hours on end,  furlough pay,  more money to spare each month, say what you like but Life (apart from Covid) was actually really good! Until Covid Stabilised, and we all had to go back to our old ways, there are still a few traces of goodness left,  such as working from home a few days a week now, but it's not the same, because the drag of everything else overshadows this. 

But now, with the cost of living being incredibly high we are all under a lot of pressure to maintain whatever work we have going on and because of this our personal lives & stuff that we enjoy had to be sacrificed.

Decision Fatigue 

You might say that this is a first-world problem. But when I had to watch my wife shop for a few dresses for weddings & bachelorette parties, I thought to myself, Jeeezz this is not normal.… She literally showed me about 200 (pages!) on ASOS with over 3000+ dresses to choose from and that's just ASOS. I got really agitated, and so did my Wife. She got overwhelmed by all these choices and bought absolutely nothing, having me drive her to physical shops nearby in distress hoping to find that perfect dress.

So how do we solve all of these issues?

Well, ditching our jobs, our phones, and capitalism is not really a viable solution for most of us, but the first step is being aware of them and being able to put a finger on in. Second. Stop being hard on yourself, because we all suffer from this at some point in our lives and the best thing you can do to help yourself is don't feel bad about it. 

If you have errand paralysis or burnout chances are that you are caught up in the cycle of anxiety. As am I, but we will talk about it next time. The best advice I can give on how I have been dealing with my own issues is the following 

Errand Paralysis 

1. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate, if you can.  It may seem counter-productive: How can we break free of feeling incapable of doing things by getting someone else to do things for us - dah, FREE TIME!

Get a cleaner to come in once a week -  this I found frees up soo much of our time and it's not as expensive as you think, take your car to the carwash, ask your partner or a family member to pick up a few groceries on the way from work, ask your friends to book that table, don't take on tasks purely out of politeness, learn to say no. Don't pile up all of the errands on yourself at work.  Depending on what you do, Explore Fiverr.com  there are tons of people to help you with all sorts of tasks for cheap.

1. Tell people around you how you feel 

If you feel like you are doing too much around the house, Maybe you are. If you notice yourself being irritated while doing chores at home you may just be angry and distracted about something else. 

Depending on your circumstances,  whether you live alone or with your partner or family, you may actually be the one who does the majority of the work around the house. It is ok to say to your partner or family that you have a lot on your plate at the moment and just get them to take over for a day or two.

We all have a tendency to rely on other people to do things for us, I am guilty of this myself, my lovely grandmother shows her love through chores, and it can be very easy to fall into this, on multiple occasions when visiting back home found that if she asks me if I want sandwiches and tea, I'd reply yes, and just sit there like a king waiting for her to bring me stuff as if it was somehow her job to do so. Now when I go back I try to get off my lazy arse and at least have the courtesy to walk to the kitchen and pick up the goodies that she prepared for me. That said, notice if people around you are using you, as this over time may be the cause of your errand paralysis.

1. Prioritise

There are important tasks and then there are tasks that can wait. Try to tackle tasks one at a time. Starting with the ones that are super urgent, the ones that are at the top of your head when you wake up, you know the ones that you are thinking about all the time but do nothing about. So if you prioritise let's say one big task for the day, and fuck every other task -  then my friend you are taking the first steps toward errand paralysis's freedom. I'd even suggest writing them down. For example on apple notes I tick off Items that I wrote down on a to-do list, and tick them off as I go, there is something magical about writing them down on paper or phone, that makes you want to complete them quicker.

Decision Fatigue 

1. Eliminate as many decisions as you can, if you actually suffer from decision fatigue 

One of the easier things you can do about decision fatigue is Food related! If you are tired of deciding what you are going to eat, then get some ready-made meals and just stick them in the oven when you are hungry, whilst this is not the best option for your health and maybe your pocket, it will definitely help.

After the wedding, we wanted to relax and not think about anything, so one day we got some ready-made meals from our local supermarket, all you do is just stick them in the oven for 20 minutes and that's it. I thought this was great. It eliminated the "what are we eating tonight" for at least a week which was enough time for me to catch up on work, and other more important stuff. 

1. I talk and promote this a lot - Simplify Your Wardrobe 

You spend, so much of your precious time thinking about what you are going to wear, especially women. Trying on things - one after another, asking your poor boyfriends and husbands (which one?) - I'll tell you a little secret ladies, they don't care.  Those two tops look the same, you look amazing in all your outfits, so put on the first one that you wanted to wear and go! As for your wardrobe in general, get rid of stuff that you don't ever reach for, what is the point of having it there? It takes up your precious wardrobe space and adds weight to your subconscious decision-making. "I've had this blouse for 4 years now, I should probably donate it or get rid of it) - that is your brain making a split-second decision. 

If you are a guy, chances are you already have your favourite outfit, so just buy more of the same thing, and wear that shit every. single. day. Your life will become a lot easier. :) Trust me I speak from experience. 

1. Get your friends to choose the stuff for you - Can't decide where to go on holiday? ask a friend to make a decision for you. A holiday may be a little too big of a decision. Ask your friend to recommend a takeaway option then.

These small things may seem unimportant, but they build up. they really do.

Did you know that an average human makes about 35,000 decisions a day, that's insane! so the more decisions you can reduce from your day better the better it is for your mental health, you might even be able to not feel drained past 10am - Success..... 

Burnout

I suffer from this the most, most of my behaviour and lack of is due to burnout, this is because I have had to make so many important decisions, speak to so many draining clients and employees and deal with small and large fuck-ups. All of these really caught up with me and just completely took me over. Burnout won. I Lost, but fortunately, I have been able to slowly rid of it by actually wanting to help myself. 

1. Take a fucking break :D 

Tell or hint to people that you need some time alone, if they don't get the memo - Block them or better yet unfriend them, you don't need them in your life. Go and spend a few days alone. Skyscanner.com  - A Weekend break, hotel, Airbnb somewhere in nature If you have babies and this is not possible for you  - go for a long walk or a car ride, on your own.

Think of it as a romantic date by yourself with yourself, just Me, Myself & I… 

There is nothing more important than actually disconnecting, from everything, even for a few hours, including your PHONE! 

1. Think about changing your Job 

If you feel burnout, chances are the main cause of this is your job. If you often say "Is it Friday yet", that means you only live for the weekend, there is a huge problem there. your life sucks, and it will continue to suck until you do something about it. A good way to start is to write down, what would you do with your life if money was not an object, an infinite amount of money for you. Chances are, you might say oh I would sit at the beach in Spain drinking sangria all day, but be really true to yourself...  Sitting and doing nothing would get boring real soon!  So depending on your answers and thoughts, while still working the shitty job that you dislike, try to do something about it. Complaining won't help nor change anything. 

Apply for your dream job - Do this often, something will eventually happen depending on how deeply you desire that job. Sending 2 CV's a day won't get you results, try more like 100.

Learn something about how to run your own business, so you can be your own boss, without having anyone tell you when you can and can't take time off, but be mindful that this takes a really long time, meaning that you have to be prepared to have no money for years to come. There is no such thing as easy money or quick business, crypto will not make you rich unless you are already rich. Being happy will only come to you when you give yourself permission to do so. 

1. Get Rid of Toxic people 

It's the ones that will make you feel like shit, will never listen to you and only talk about themselves, it's the ones that don't wish you well, Unlike me! :) 

These toxic people steal your energy, they are otherwise known as energy vampires, and they will suck you dry and not in a good way. If it's your boss, go see point 2. If it's at home, Pack your bag and leave! If it's Family. Well, you are doomed. You can either put up with it for a few times a year or just build up the courage and simply delete someone from your life if they are that fricking unbearable. 

1. Have Faith that things will be good 

Snap out of your realism and just know that things will be ok for you. They actually will. If you think back to the past, it's never always bad. Things get worse before they get better. You are just tired, exhausted and Burnout. Which is what's stopping us both to achieve greater better things in life. 

Meditate, this one is hard for me to recommend because I have not don't so myself for a long time as it is actually hard when your mind is all over the place. But believe me when I say that the benefits are insane,  few years back when I meditated almost every single day for about 6 months straight I really felt great, empowered and happy. I could not label myself with anything that I wrote about in this article.  This is something I & my Wife will be starting to do this month. 

If you, like I do struggle to start up something new or something that you absolutely love doing, but just don't have the energy for. - try this;  for example; - Deep down I wanted to write this article, I knew that this would be beneficial to a number of people,  I knew it was long and I am pretty shit at writing. Id Question and doubt myself; Who is it for? Am I just wasting my time, bla bla bla, -But I have given myself an order to at least write for 2 minutes, just 2 minutes, not more not less, and if I do it and no longer enjoy writing once the 2 minutes are up, I Have full permission to stop and go do whatever it is I wanted to do, like watch Netflix or something. You would be surprised, that more often than not if you do something for 2 minutes you just end up doing it fully. 

Conclusion

Obviously, I'm no doctor, I am just a very curious potato Obsessed with knowledge and personal development, all of this information is purely based on my own journey and research. You may be in a place that is a lot darker, where you may feel that there is no hope for you, in that case, id probably recommend you go seek a professional or take up therapy. Sometimes any advice seems good on paper but it simply cannot be implemented in real life, for example, if you have no money for food or you are about to be evicted from your home all of these issues might come across as laughable to you, but just know that worst case scenario can be around if you don't pay attention to the cues that life is throwing at you. Basically, take action before it's too late! :) 

I'd suggest utilising, Youtube as it's such a powerful and free tool full of information about how you can start a business, find passion, find hobbies or prepare yourself for that Interview.

If you don't know where to start and want some sort of change whether its business, entrepreneurship, minimalism or personal development for that matter hit me up, ill gladly help ;) 

Take care of yourself! 

Me Before the Wedding 👌 

What does this have to do with shaded you might ask? It promotes minimalism and mental health clarity and it is something I want the Shaded brand's values to alight with rather than just being a Minimalist Fashion Brand.  If you enjoyed this article, please share it, don't just keep it to yourself selfishly. You may be able to help and kick some motivation into someone who really needs it right now before it is too late.